Trying something a bit different from my usual posts-
let me know what you think :)
Well, first year of university comes to a close.
And as a parting gift from my university, this morning I found out I failed two of my university courses. Can’t say my mentality state is stable, but it is better than this morning.
After failing two courses, I really didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I’m still lost… but with the help of some friends, hopefully I can get through this. There is still a lot I need to do this summer and I can’t let this event change my attitude towards them.
As to why I failed the two courses, I feel like it’s a lack of motivation and self-doubt if sciences is somewhere or something I want to be doing. I have been studying more this semester, and taking more efficient notes compared to first semester, yet I still ended up failing. Back in high school, I was more focused on the health and sciences area but now in university, and realizing how hard it’s going to be to pursue that path, I’m starting to doubt if I’ll survive in the end. I don’t want to be someone who’s just plugged into the wall and living through life following the same routine every day. If somehow in the future I do end up going to med school and graduated, I dont want to cross the finish line or win the race, but lose my mind. Is it going to be worth it in the end? Going to Kenya did change me, it gave me a reason to pursue medicine, but it also made me realize how much of the world there is yet to see and learn. The world is so huge, yet if I were to pursue such path that would require sacrifices and about eight more years in school. As well in the last few years while I was developing my interest in photography, I have also developed a curiosity to explore new places and talk to new people. That curiosity right now is what’s preventing me from staying in one place and work towards medicine. These thoughts have been a mini-war inside my head for quite awhile now, getting it out relieves a bit of the headache, but it doesn’t solve the problem. I honestly just don’t know where I want to go in life right now.
Well that’s it for my mini-blurb on the end of first year university. I wish it could have ended on a happier note, but this is how it ended up. It would have happened sooner or later anyways… just need to get over it and walk forward.
But I can’t do this all on my own
No I can’t do this all on my own
I know that I’m no Superman
For those who caught my Scrubs theme references …I finished! :) Kind of disappointed with season 9 though…. actually really disappointed.